Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in whatcolourtoday's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
4:18 pm	You scored as Captain Jack Sparrow. Roguish,quick-witted, and incredibly lucky, Jack Sparrow is a pirate who sometimes ends up being a hero, against his better judgement. Captain Jack looks out for #1, but he can be counted on (usually) to do the right thing. He has an incredibly persuasive tongue, a mind that borders on genius or insanity, and an incredible talent for getting into trouble and getting out of it. Maybe its brains, maybe its genius, or maybe its just plain luck. Or maybe a mixture of all three. </td> Captain Jack Sparrow 83% El Zorro 75% Maximus 67% Batman, the Dark Knight 67% Neo, the "One" 63% Lara Croft 58% James Bond, Agent 007 58% William Wallace 58% The Terminator 54% The Amazing Spider-Man 54% Indiana Jones 54% Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 12th, 2005
2:40 pm	CONTACT ME WITH SUGGESTIONS!!! FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE June 12, 2005 MUSIC COMMUNITY BANDS TOGETHER IN “A NIGHT FOR ROSANNE” When Rosanne Howell sent her first CD “ Give ‘Er” to Afeni Shakur, she wasn’t sure she even had the right address. But Afeni, the freedom fighting mother of famed rapper Tupac Shakur was so impressed with Howell’s compositions and arrangements, that she felt compelled to call Howell in person. Nine months later, the friendship that resulted has lead to an invitation for the Toronto based singer-songwriter, to attend the grand opening of a peace garden – the first phase of the Tupac Amaru Shakur Centre for the Arts – in Stone Mountain, Georgia. Howell has also been offered the opportunity to volunteer at their summer camp programme in July – an opportunity that Howell describes as “a dream come true”. But for Rosanne, a 27 year old mother of two and a third year student in Humber College’s Jazz Studies program, the financial burdens of airfare and accommodation are well nigh insurmountable. On June 27th Rosanne’s friends, colleagues and fellow students proudly present “A Night For Rosanne” in the beautiful ballroom of Toronto’s Gladstone Hotel. Beginning at 7 pm, and continuing until all hours, the night will include performances by: • Singer/songwriter Kent Theaker; • The jazz stylings of The Kristina Nojd Experience; • Bluegrass and beyond with Caitriona Murphy and Co; • Some fantastic new material from Hurricane James and the Tropical Storms; • Great dancing to the 8 piece funk-phenomenon Dr Payne and the Disease, right up until last call. AND ALSO…. • A special performance by Rosanne herself. The venue will also feature displays from local visual artists, and much much more. Admission is by donation, (suggested contribution $8) . All proceeds from the evening will go towards sending this talented musician on her journey. Howell says she is overwhelmed by these supportive musicians hopes that is the beginning of a new support system for young artists. FOR MORE INFORMATION ON “A NIGHT FOR ROSANNE” OR REGARDING ANY OF THE PERFORMERS, PLEASE CONTACT Sophia Perlman sophia.perlman@gmail.com that's the press release.. please copy, paste and forward as you see fit. also, if you have any suggestions for media people to forward it to, let me know.. paste it in your livejournal. get it out there folks. let's make this huge Current Mood: determined Current Music: jazz fm on the radio at work. (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 5th, 2005
2:26 am	late night... again... a different sketchy cyber cafe on a different street.; actually this one is not nearly so bad... and it's quiet... there's a guy fast a sleep four chairs down from me, and the soundof a couple of hard-core gamers from the other end of the room.... i understand my brother's frustration... but i think he gets some kind of pleasure out of playing the martyr in this situation. for those of you who DON'T know, my brother has the only computer that is permanantly in the house, and for some reason my computer won't connect wirelessly... so i have to be in his room (using my laptop) to use internet, plugged into the modem. and i can understand that he doesn't want people in his room all the time.. but any time i ask i feel like i'm stepping on his toes. tonight, i was prepared to walk up to bloor if i had to. i just wanted to check my damn email, and read everyone's livejournals, and that was about it. in any case... spent some quality time with my boy today... it was a really good feeling. i missed him. a lot. re-watched jarmusch's 'coffee and cigarettes'... "would it be shabby of me to give you my number now?" (long pause).. 'yes.'... great movie.... worked an insane shift today. the only waitress on the day that the review came out and business exploded... only made one major mistake (and the guy was really nice about it.!)still.. its frustrating to come out of a day like today and still have no money at all... i spent almost half an hour trying to scrounge up 2$ worth of coin for an hour of internet acces.... complain complain is all he did i finally had to close the lid. in any case.... that's enough of that. goodnight all. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: heroic battle music from some game.... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
4:47 am	late night ramblin's i'm sitting in a cyber cafe at nearly 5 in the morning with nyree.. sleepy, and taking a break from walking home to check email and friends' journals, and generally thinking about how much fun i've had in the last few days... which have kind of blurred together into a wonderful, sleepless haze. i'm not sure, right now as to what has happened when. Tonight, after dancing all night, in a public place, i went back to a house where several of us piled on a couch and watched the incredibles. it's funny. because looking back, i've realized that i'm incredibly social. but people make me nervous. it's an awkward combination at times because it leads to meeting awesome people and not being able to do anything but put your foot in your mouth. repeatedly. or else, you get so shy that you push people away. people think i'm a diva, a bitch and a snob sometimes. but honestly? there are a lot of people i wish i could talk to. i'm just.... scared.... tonight, i realized just how much i've grown... in the last little while, i've made some absolutely amazing friends - and the last couple of weeks, i've discovered myself branching out in ways i never thought i was capable of, and spending time with some new people and realizing that it's really not so difficult... i have also, in the last couple of weeks, danced in public. repeatedly.. and without someone dragging me out onto the dance floor and waving my arms around for me, while tryiing to kick my feet out from under me. this is huge people... i don't dance. don't ask me. but i have. and i love doing it.. and i'll keep doing it. because i know that i can. i've had less sleep in the last five days than i thought i could EVER cope with... but i feel so completely happy and completely relaxed... my nightmares have started going away. i don't wake up with clenched teeth and tears pouring down my face. i've stopped having those dreams where you fall and wake up just as you hit the ground.... so... i guess.... yeah... life is great.. i'm looking forward to (and perhaps a little bit) dreading the summer. i'm going to spend time with all the people i like (except for you damn fuckers how are on curise ships and the like...) and i'm going to sing for the hell of it, and dance till i drop... THREE OPEN LETTERS. open letter to nyree: hi nyree: i'm yoinking your open letter concept. you are sitting right next to me and it's 5 am..and you and i will be roomates. -sophia. open letter to nancy: i never said it back.. but i'm totally glad that you and i are doing this friendship building thing too... i mean hey. you're one of maybe 4 girls i can think of who don't scare the bejeezus out of me. thanks for making it so damn easy. :) -sophia. open letter to shaggy: shaggy. it's not the answers to the clues. it's the fact that we do the clues, albeit unwittingly, in the same order.... -sophia. AND NOW... i'm not sure. spending the day with boy tomorrow until it's time for work. and then... who knows what will happen. it SHALL be interesting. i am a woman of many jazz tunes. and not many standards :-P goodnight everyone... Current Mood: content Current Music: cheek to cheek. in my head. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 12th, 2005
6:41 pm	That's that... Well. My jury today was alright. I think I definately could have done better. But I didn't. So. Like Orville says, cut flowers. Once they're cut, you can't bring them back to life, so there's no point in dwelling on it, because it's better just to move onto the next moment.The next two weeks are going to be too crazy for me to do anything but get on with my life. Tomorrow is going to be lots of fun... I'm sitting in an internet cafe killing time until i have to go teach. then home. sleep. enough of this. (Comment on this)
Monday, April 11th, 2005
12:10 pm	wow. it's been a while since i posted anything relevant here. i've been invited to play with a band called Top Brass... montreal bistro, here i come. we're looking at three gigs with them, and probably a professional recording as well. and the band is pretty awesome. if i screw this up, i'll be unable to look half my teachers in the eye after this... alex (dean) is already teasing me about it and i haven't even done anything. working with him is going to be so much fun. him, andy ballantyne, steve crowe, john macleod, richard whiteman, john alcorn, mark promane, terry clarke, duncan hopkins (to name a few of them anyway)... the concert at hart house went really well too (yaay mr phil). phil also came over for dinner before hand, and came with me and littlest brother to pick up dinner. and we had a really good time hanging out (dude. we should so do that more often.) after that, the woman who books the jazz at oscar's series at hart house told jules that she wants my contact info, because she wants me to bring a band of my own. school's almost over. work at the restaurant is picking up.   ( that being said... ) oh well... hope everyone else is doin' just peachy. i love you all dearly. i want to spend some time with y'all in the near future. ok?   (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 1st, 2005
6:34 pm	for nai see nai. this is what happens when you click update (*clicks update so nai can see*) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
6:23 pm	P.S. oh my god. shaggy was right. something weird DOES happen when you hit update!!! (Comment on this)
6:07 pm	a real post for once well... i woke up this morning and realized that i had only one bus ticket, and this was a minimum 3 bus ticket kinda day... i had to get to school, get to bens and get home again... and my family was gone, so there was no money in the house - and since my loan payment was due yesterday, there wasn't any money in my account. so i had the BRILLIANT idea that rollerblading to school might be fun - and neccesary, since i wasn't sure that i'd be able to get any money during the day, and if i had to i could then rollerblade from school to bens. it wouldn't kill me. it just meant that i had to leave the house right then. and by the time i got to queen and gladstone i was thinking "hey. this isn't so bad. i can do this. these hills on queen street.. no problem"... and then i hit the no sidewalk bit, just past st. joseph's hospital, and i thought... "*pant* *gasp*.. i can do this. this is tn' so bad." and then i hit the lakeshore, and the wind and the condos... and it was like "shit this was a dumb idea" and then i hit royal york and i thought "shouldn't i have passed this ages ago?" and then i hit first street and was like... "that always seems like such a short distance on the streetcar"... and then i got to the credit union.. and i thought "i think i'm going to die" and when i hit kipling i was certain i was going to die. but i made it and was 10 minutes early for class besides. of course since i had left in such a hurry, i hadn't eaten anything, nor had i brought anything to eat, nor did i have any money to buy food. although Dave was sweet enough to buy me a bottle of water. *side note* ted quinlan is scarily brilliant. .... OH AND PHIL. IF YOU READ THIS... OUR REHEARSAL ON MONDAY IS IN THE ARBOUR ROOM NOT IN THE COMMON ROOM. OK? (just in case i dont' see you).... i would like to thank shaggy and matt (who i know read this occasionally) for coming to the rex. and for the yumminess of dimsum. much fun was had on my part. anyway back to the present. i managed to get money and am now making up for the calories i'm sure i lost on my adventure to get to school... i had lentil soup, a falafel, some salad, and some baklava (on the house..).. and now i'm making my way through the first of 2 cans of whipped cream (the second one, i'm going to try and save for rehearsal tonight)... but hey.. http://margaretcho.net/blog/fuckitdiet.htm totally has the right idea. ... I want to go home(ish) and curl up with someone, and sleep for about 10 0000 years. stupid work. i wish they'd cut the randomness with scheduling. maybe i should find another job. oh well. that's that for now. i may well be back tonight. i still have 2.5 hours to kill and i'm bored stiff. and working? why i'd love to. but i don't think it's going to happen tonight Current Mood: sluggish Current Music: the jam session in rm a206 (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 30th, 2005
11:10 pm	nobody cared about the last one, but i'm going to do one more and then actually post some time 1. First grade teacher's name: joan, until half way through the year she had a nervous breakdown and then colleen came and took over. 2. Last person you kissed: Tai 3. Last words you said: "Ok. I will" 4. Last song you sang: "Swinging on a Star" 5. Last person you hugged: My mommy 6. Last thing you really laughed at: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (the gay guy episode) Where is 7? Oh well. <-- Yeah, no 7! Hey! 8. What's in your CD player: Umm.. a burned C.D. i made 9. What socks are you wearing: mismatched ones 10. What's under your bed: nothing. my bed's on the floor. 11. Current hair style: up in a ponytail and slightly damp 12. Current clothes: jeans, a white button up shirt and a black sports bra. 13. Current Job: musician 14. Current longing: cuddling till i fall asleep 15. Current desktop picture: "Nighthawks" 16. Current worry:Getting up ontime tomorrow 17. Meaning of your username: the right to choose. 18. Current favorite article of clothing: my favorite jeans. 19. Favorite physical feature(s) of the opposite sex: good shoulders 20. Last CD that you bought: a blank one for burning a demo. 21. Favorite place to be: at school 22. If you could play a new instrument, what would it be?: piano or saxophone 23. Current favorite word/saying: love. 24. Favorite book: Generica by Will Fergueson 25. Favorite Movies: Other than rocky horror? Hedwig. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. 26. Favorite Songs:Anyone other than the Thelonious Monk Tune i'm still struggling for my jury. 27. One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: Gran - my mother's father's mother. 28. Favorite day: The first really really warm one of the year. 29. Where do you want to go: too many to list. 30. What is your career going to be: musician. 31. What kind of car(s) do you have?: a couple of the matchbox variety. 32. A random lyric: "when you hold me tight, something in my head starts reeling, and when we kiss goodnight, my feet leave the ground and i'm running around on the ceiling." 33. Eye Color: Dark brown 34. Hair Color: Dark brown 35. Righty or Lefty: Righty 36. Zodiac Sign: cancer 37. Innie or Outtie: innie. DESCRIBE... 38. Your heritage: Canadian, south african. 39. The shoes you wore today: Brown low top hiking shoes. 40. Your hair: infuriating 41. Your weakness: food. 42. Your fears: lonliness 43. Your most recent secret:can't tell. 44. Your thoughts first waking up: aargh. is that the phone? 45. The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: it depends how i meet them? 46. Your bedtime: sporadic 47. Your most missed companion: my imaginary friend. i wonder where he went? 48. Your perfect pizza: one with lots of veggies on it. 49. Sweet and Chewy or Salty and Crunchy: it depends, but generally salty and crunchy. 50. Single or group dates: single 51. Dogs or Cats: i've never had a dog. 52. Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: i don't generally drink either? 53. Chocolate or vanilla:yes. 54. Cappuccino or Drip: Cappuccino 55. Smoke: Not generally. 56. Swear: Yes 57. Take a shower everyday: usually. 58. Have a crush: sometimes. 59. Think you've been in love: yes. 60. Want to go to college: i'm in college yes. 61. Want more than what you've got: the door to success is marked push you know 62. Want to get married: eventually. 63. Type w/ your left fingers on the right keys: usually. 64. Think you're a health freak: No 65. Play an instrument: yes 66. Clear Mailing Tape: PURPLE! (Hey. you get a wierd question you get a wierd answer). 67. Drink: Yes 68. Smoke: didn't you just ask this?! 69. Done a drug: yes 70. Made Out: Yes 71. Go on a date: Yes 72. Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Not all at once. 73. Eaten sushi: Yes, please. 74. Been dumped: Yes. it hurt. 75. Made homemade cookies: yes 76. Been in love: WTF IS WITH ALL THESE REPEAT QUESTIONS? 77. Gone skinny dipping: yes 78. Dyed your hair: never once. 79. Stolen anything: yes. HAVE YOU EVER.. 80. Had too much to drink: Yes 81. Been caught cheating:yes 82. Been called a tease: yes 83. Gotten beaten up: yes 84. Changed who you were to fit in: yes 85. Cried at something beautiful: Yes 86. Spent too much money on something you didn't need: Yup 87. Cried when someone died: Yes (Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 23rd, 2005
11:59 pm	stuff you dont' really need to know about me 20 years ago I... (1985) 1. I was born, July 4th. 2was brought home to kensington market 3. lived in a tiny apartment above a grocery store with my mom and dad. 10 years ago I... (1995) 1. witnessed the birth of my youngest brother, ezra. 2. was singing as an apprentice to the canadian childrens opera chorus 3. wanted to be a marine biologist. 5 years ago I... (2000) 1. I started highschool 2. met my best friend. 3. wanted to be a journalist. 3 years ago I... (2002) 1. cheated on someone for the first time.(the grade 11 half of 2002) 2. lost my virginity 3. started to drift apart from a lot of my friends in highschool. 4. thought i might want to be a journalist. 1 year ago I... (2004) 1. realized that maybe i could do more with my voice than i had originally thought 2. realized that age really isn't that important 3. had my first real 1 year anniversary, started to think about settling down or something.... 4. thanked god i decided not to become a journalist. So far this year I... (2005) 1. have travelled half way around the world, gotten badly sunburned. 2. have puked more times than i'd care to admit. 3. realized that love is never easy - but sometimes that's what makes it worthwhile. Yesterday I... 1. woke up late 2. wrote some reharmonized changes that i really liked. 3. had oxtail for the second time in my entire life. Today I... 1.woke up at 2 am, realized i was sleeping in a bed i'm not allowed to on weeknights and stumbled home, alone, half asleep 2. went to the dentist 3. spent 10 bucks at sugar mountain and saw robots with my youngest brother. Tomorrow I will... 1. sing mine and cams arrangements for dave's class 2. go the kurt elling clinic at uoft. 3. return tristans amp and some overdue stuff to the media centre In the next year i will... 1. have my final recital 2. hopefully play a bunch of music a bunch of places... 3. change doctors. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 22nd, 2005
9:49 am	... what a rare mood i'm in.... Well then.... Last night's rehearsal went really well... i'm actually really enjoying playing with them, and last night, i started to get to know some of the people in the band too - it was a lot of fun. the concert's april 8th at 9 pm at Hart House. I think things are finally starting to pick up. If i can just blaze through this next phase, and get my jury charts finished then I'll be all set! Amy is coming home in a month. and i miss her tons. i really do. not that y'all aren't great friends too mind you.... it's just... i dunno... for those of you who don't know, Amy's my best friend- the only other niner to go to stratford, during my first year of highschool, my partner in crime for many a strange scheme over my secondary school years, and currently, a student at UBC. It's easter weekend this weekend. i'm looking forward to passover! yaay passover! (which is still a month and a half away.) Mr. Shaggy messaged me. He's going to be back in time for rocky though speaking of which. If you're planning to ever go to rocky, you should come this month.. why? well. four years ago february, was my first time going. my... deflowering if you will. last month for rocky i was in florida. so this is the month that i will be (somewhat belatedly) celebrating my four year rocky anniversary with my home cast. Hell. That's longer than any of my relationships thus far. Rocky saw me through all of them. Anyway, it's going to be at the bloor cinema, this friday at 11:45 pm. it ends late, so if anyone needs a place to stay afterwards, let me know. cheers y'all. Current Music: the sound of crickets chirping. i kid you not. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 15th, 2005
11:21 am	Sweet Transvestite You scored 94% Wow. You probably know more than I do about the movie. Congratulations. Now get a life. My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender : You scored higher than 98% on points Link: The Rocky Horror Picture Show Test written by Ewic on Ok Cupid hmmm.. time to go to school. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, March 12th, 2005
6:10 pm	I am, of course, none other than blank verse. I don't know where I'm going, yes, quite right; And when I get there (if I ever do) I might not recognise it. So? Your point? Why should I have a destination set? I'm relatively happy as I am, And wouldn't want to be forever aimed Towards some future path or special goal. It's not to do with laziness, as such. It's just that one the whole I'd rather not Be bothered - so I drift contentedly; An underrated way of life, I find. What Poetry Form Are You? cool spent today working on my arranging and fixing up my room. i'll find my freakin' centre yet...... (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 10th, 2005
1:15 am	sleep i should really go to bed. i haven't been able to sleep properly all week. the recording with the disease went well enough.. i think i finally dealt with some issues about myself that i should have dealt with a long time ago. i'm finally coming to accept that there are things i can do, and things i can't. and that i should be celebrating the things i can, instead of approaching them with some kind of strange loathing. everyone and everything has it's limitations i guess.....anyway, look out for it.. INTERGALACTIC FUNK SOPOSITORY... coming soon. The first album of the eight piece funk phenomenon Dr. Payne and the Disease. tonight was our first show in absolutely ages. and overall, i think it went well (well.. maybe with a couple of exceptions... i couldn't actually hear what I sounded like, but the rest of the band sounded awesome.)my recital also went well..... i love having people who push me to my limits, and say "don't be an ass. of course you can do this."... i don't even want to imagine what direction i'd have taken if i hadn't been asked to join the band - i mean... i don't know what i would have ended up sounding like by now. .. i want to write more but i'm so tired. i guess that's good....... i'll write soon. i promise. Current Music: whatever it is my brother's listening to. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2005
2:09 pm	wow... wow.. i'm really pathetic at this livejournal thing... but i always have trouble with it - trouble not censoring myself in what i write..... i go back and erase stuff like a motherfucker.. anyway, i'm back from overcast florida, and now there's about a million feet of snow on the ground. i'm supposed to go to a rehearsal tonight. i'm supposed to shop for food for my musicians.. i'm suposed to go home and practice my tunes with a piano. i'm to lazy to get off my stupid ass and do any of it. maybe i'll take egon for a walk, do my shopping that way... it'll be nice to have some company... for those of you who don't know, egon is my boyfriend's dog. and since his parents (tai's, not the dogs) are away till saturday, tai and i are playing house this week. nobody can stop us now! the disease is supposed to rehearse thursday and record this weekend. it'll be fantabulous.... or else it'll be shitty. who knows? i'm hoping for the former. i mean.. how can anything with 7 of my favorite people involved be shitty right? unless it's cuz i'm the 8th... i feel kinda wierd about the band. i want to be a part of it more than anything. but i don't want to be a hassle. i feel like i'm..... well.. enough whining on THAT front. hmm. what else can i add to this thing.. i've been ripping cds from tai's collection onto my itunes the last couple days... tons of keith jarrett, bill frisell... right now i'm getting neil young's "live rust" which was the album we were listening to on that bus in india when he took my hand for the first time. yaay using computers to get the music you want but certainly can't afford. yay boyfriends with extensive c.d. collections. and yes. i deserve to be smote for stealing music... as an aspiring musician, i deserve to have all my cds sell only one copy which is then burned by thousands.,... but i really REALLY can't afford it, and my old library is so well played that it's kind of ridiculous. i have a rehearsal for my mini recital tonight. i'm not sure how THAT'S going to go.... i should go. i have stuff to do. now lets see if i do it. Current Mood: lethargic (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 5th, 2005
12:18 am	fine ok. so i know everyone is really busy these days. but this is fucking ridiculous. maybe it's time for some priorities to get weighed. i know what i think is important. i hope others will agree. Current Mood: sad (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, January 28th, 2005
12:34 pm	a post for you know who you are: don't bother. i'm not worth getting angry about. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 17th, 2005
11:03 am	warning: ramble. my ankle is still sore.... you'd think having sprained it just over 2 years ago, it wouldn't hurt. and it didn't until i went to the gym and for some reason it started to twinge. now it is twinging much more noticeably... more and more so each day, and i don't know why. there IS a lesson to be learned from this: sophia should NOT go to the gym and should NOT try to live a more active and healthy lifestyle. sophia should just sit and mope about feeling sorry for herself, stuffing her face with more maple-almond cookies and reading trashy books... except i don't have any trashy books to read.... this semester is already shaping up to be.. odd... i want to be motivated, i want to be organized, and sometimes it happens. it really does. but i already missed my first solo performance class AND my first ear training class.. in part, i think, it's because it's hard to get motivated for the classes you're not technically registered for yet.... fucking hell. all i need are 3 sets of numbers from my mother and then i can apply for osap, then i can register.. but my mom can't find the papers with the numbers, so i can't apply. part of the sleepiness also has to do with the lack of sleep i'm getting from late night walks home, in the dark, and the cold and the rain. i wish that A. would just get over the fact that yes, his son is grown up enough that he's now in university and in a fairly serious relationship... but what makes it harder is that i can't shake the feeling that it's me that he doesn't like. that if it were some other girl, he'd somehow approve, and be alright with it all, but that because it's me, he's not willing to give it all a chance.. like he's hoping one morning, his son will just wake up and say "jesus! what was i thinking dating that freak" and he'll either settle down and focus on his studies (which he hates) or find a girlfriend who isn't..... i dunno.. me. i guess... it makes me sad because i thought things were getting better, but as of late, i've actually started to wonder. i can't help it. and i don't want to say anything either, because things are rough enough between my boy and his dad as it is.. and if i say something it's bound to make it worse.... but i can't keep this up much longer. i'll fail theory or something if i try... or else, i'll start wondering if there's some other reason that he hasn't brought it up with his dad - i mean other than keeping the peace... some part of me is going to start to wonder, COMPLETELY unreasonably, if it's maybe that i'm not important enough to him... which is crap.. because i know that he loves me, and that he wants things to work out as badly as i do.... it's always harder to sleep alone after a weekend like this one..... *sigh* it was such a good weekend though - just bumming around, doing not a lot of anything, just... spending some time together, and sleeping most of the day and making food and... i like weekends like that.. they make me think about what life could be like - is going to be like eventually, when i get a job, get my shit together, when we get a place together.. i think that's what i look forward to the most... the little stuff, like making breakfast and reading the paper in the mornings, and fighting over sections in the newspaper and doing dishes.... *reads back over that last part* jeez. how very domestic and boring i sound.. but it's nice, you know? it's nice having someone to do that all with - someone you can actually see yourself doing all that with for a long time.... people too cheap to live in their own houses shouldn't complain i guess... oh well.... i go practice now.... Current Mood: sleepy Current Music: none: the buzzing of the thingy outside the regisrars. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 28th, 2004
5:54 pm	greetings greetings all from sunny south africa. where internet time is at a premium so i'll be brief. i'm sunburned, a little homesick and yes, i've read my friends page, but i don' thave internet time to reply to anything.... i've swum in the sea, seen some dolphins and spent xmas day on the beach.... EMAIL ME AND LET ME KNOW YOUR NEWS GODDAMIT! (you know who you are.) phia (2 Comments |Comment on this)